Could Apple be hiding something from the public's prying eyes? News parody site The Onion (America's Finest News Source) has just released information they've "discovered" regarding the upcoming iPhone and needless to say, there's apparently a lot of awesome onboard tech on this little gizmo that was not disclosed when Apple released the iPhone's vital statistics:

• Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
• Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
• Takes Polaroids
• When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects
• Prominent Apple logo
• Reproduces through asexual budding
• Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
• Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you're not using it
  

They forgot to mention the special sensor that which, upon detecting any Microsoft brand products within 30 yards, activates a high-powered magnetron (Remember Ocean's 13?). We of course advise the Apple fans to take this humor post in good stride. After all, the phone's almost out on the market, and it just might be able to reassemble itself when you slam it into said walls...